A Single Rant

It's Tuesday, and you need a good rant. Brandon's got you covered in his response to the inane Atlantic article positing that Single People Should Get Weddings, Too:

What irritates me about the whining is that I did not sign up to be in the Kiddy League of Life. We do not all get consolation prizes whenever things do not go our way, and we do not all get trophies whether we win or not. The world does not exist to validate us. Moreover, we are all perfectly capable of handling this fact. And even to suggest that single people need to be treated in such infantile ways, spoon-fed through a state of life that by definition can be handled by anyone and which, considered in itself, has no standards of excellence that have to be met, is an insult to all single people everywhere. I don't care how lonely you feel. Get over yourself and do something important, and then maybe you'll get a pat on the back.

Of course, it's possible that the only weddings the unmarried Atlantic authoress has attended have been overwrought, overfinanced occasions that serve as self-aggrandizing gift grubbing for couples who make enough money to buy their own toasters and have been living together anyway. But that doesn't negate the fact that marriage itself is more significant that a made-up celebration of singleness called "La Quinceañera Doble." (This event, partially financed by the author's parents, leads the reader to wonder: if she ever does get married, will Mom and Pop be expected to shell out again, or have they already coughed up enough for life events?)

Weddings are also not celebrations of individuals, but of new family units, formed from existing family units, which is why, although every couple at some point dreams of eloping, it's actually really selfish and offensive to do so. Yes, even if you, like everyone else, think your family is crazy.