Speaking the Same Language

It's Valentine's Day again, and for the fourteenth year in a row Darwin and I are doing absolutely nothing to mark the day. It's not a judgment against the day or against people celebrating love, but a personal preference. Valentine's Day as celebrated simply doesn't resonate with either of us, and when I say, "Don't get me anything", I really mean it. For the past three gift giving occasions (my birthday, Christmas, and Darwin's birthday) we decided not give each other presents. It was wonderful. No last-minute shopping, no extra expense, no fuss, and neither of us showed the other up by buying a gift anyway.

It's not that I don't like presents. Everyone likes getting a gift. It's simply that not receiving a gift doesn't indicate a lack of love to me, nor is it proof positive of love if I do get one. They're fun because they're superfluous.

This fell into place when I took the Five Love Languages assessment.

3	Words of Affirmation
11	Quality Time
0	Receiving Gifts
6	Acts of Service
10	Physical Touch

Obviously, gifts are simply not in my Love Language paradigm. It makes sense that I should score higher in Quality Time than in any other category. I'd rather spend time talking to Darwin than doing anything else, which is wonderful for our relationship and bad for my housekeeping ethic. He's in danger of being late to work almost every morning because we're talking in the kitchen. We sit up way too late because we need to spend time together after the kids go down, and their bedtime gets pushed back because we talk while making dinner, and through dinner, and after dinner.

Happily, when Darwin took the quiz our scores matched up almost point for point.

The quiz isn't just for married couples; there are options for singles and children and parents of teens. I also found the Languages of Apology quiz very enlightening.

4	Expressing Regret
16	Accepting Responsibility
0	Making Restitution
0	Genuinely Repenting
0	Requesting Forgiveness

Accepting Responsibility

You have chosen Accepting Responsibility as your primary Apology Language. What you are looking for in an apology is maturity. You most want to hear the offending party say, I was wrong and I take responsibility for my actions.

 That's pretty accurate. I find it uncomfortably intrusive when people ask if I'll forgive them or how they can make it up to me. That sounds like groveling. But I do appreciate it when someone 'fesses up to his or her faults and takes responsibility, and that's how I tend to apologize when I need to.

Readers, I'd be interested to hear your scores and if you think they're an accurate reflection of your own personalities and relationship styles.