In which my life is lame because no one is doing anything interesting

OMG, Internets, do you not owe me entertainment? Then why so dull? Here I am, sitting in front of my computer, looking for an excuse to waste time so I don't have to get out of my chair and clean my kitchen, and nothing is happening. No controversial blog posts, no new humor, no big news (that I'm interested in reading). I am not being instantly gratified, and I demand a refund.