Mother is not angry, dear.

Life lessons for two-year-olds:

1. This is number one. The most important thing. If you feel like you have to poop, do it in the potty. I cannot stress this enough.

2. If your diaper starts to leak, do not move around. Stay in one place, and I will come to you.

3. If you leak onto the kitchen floor, do not attempt to clean up the mess with a broom.

4. Do not hide your cleaning attempt under a kitchen towel.

5. Do not then step in the other mess, while I'm cleaning up the first, after I told you not to.

Ancillary advice for older sisters: When I ask you to watch the baby while I clean up his big sister, do not make him fly. For my sake, if not for his.

I feel like I'm always harping on the same damn theme.